


Trust me. I'm Sorry

by AlexTheShipper



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Clint Needs a Hug, Confessions of love, Dick Nick Fury, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Phil Needs a Hug, Snarky Clint, Trust Issues, someone should punch Fury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 18:06:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3456737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexTheShipper/pseuds/AlexTheShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson is back from the dead and Clint is royally pissed at being kept out of the loop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust me. I'm Sorry

The world barely survived Loki's attack. Clint barely survived Loki's attack. Coulson didn't survive Loki's attack. Clint might believe it if Phil wasn't sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Hi Clint?" Coulson says.

"Hi Phil." Clint breathes out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. His chest seemed to loosen up.

"How was the mission?" The hallucination asks and Clint laughs. _He's probably hysterical, and he's probably gonna lose his job, and hallucinating your dead handler isn't supposed to be a good thing._ Clint's not gonna let them put him on the good drugs. He'd rather keep this.

"Simple in and out sir." Clint smiled at the hallucination _deciding that he could call the hallucination Phil_. "Phil, I missed you."

"I'm sorry." Phil said standing up. Clint carefully skirted around him, unsure if the hallucination would be able to touch him, and unwilling to watch it fail.

"It's okay. You're here now." Clint smiled sadly. "God I wish you were real." He barely registered the shock on his handlers face. "I mean it was bound to happen, but I'm not getting help. Please don't ask me to get help Phil. I'd rather just hallucinate you than fix this. I'll have to quit the avengers though."

"Clint. I'm real." Coulson said reaching toward the archer. Fingers closed around his wrist and Clint felt his heart stop for an instant.

"I want to believe that, I do." Clint whispers.

"Believe it." Phil growls. Clint shakes his head.

"I'll prove it. Hallucinations can't move things can they?" Phil asks walking over to the dresser.

"No." Clint whispers as Phil pushes the dresser across the front of the door.

"Phil." He breathes.

"I'm here." Phil whispers and when Clint collapses forward he catches him head cradled against his shoulder.

"Bastard." Clint mumbles lovingly.

"I know. I'm sorry." Phil- Coulson says.

"God I missed you." Clint whispered.

"I know." Phil says earning an annoyed frown.

"No you don't." Clint states. "You knew I was alive." Phil nods.

"I'll leave. I just wa-" Phil starts and Clint shakes his head and stands shoving the dresser out of the way and grabbing Phil's wrist.

"You're not leaving my side until I see you tell Natasha I didn't think you were real, _and_ she hits me." Clint says dragging Phil out of the room.

"I doubt she'd hit _you_." Phil says staring at his shoes.

"Natasha!" Clint yells into the tower living room.

"Clint." She says warmly. "Phil." Phil shivers.

"He's here? You see him too. He's definitely here?" Clint shook slightly.

"Yes, Clint." She said and slapped Phil. "Now do you understand?" He nodded.

"Natasha." Clint whispered and she dragged him into a hug. "I thought he was dead."

"He's okay дурак." She whispers. "Now go make him grovel." Phil froze hand on the door knob.

"You were leaving?" Clint asks voice small.

"I didn't want to bother you. I just needed to see you were okay." Phil says. "Fury hasn't been the most trustworthy lately." Clint snorts at that barely noticing as Natasha slips out of the room.

"If I'm okay? Oh yeah wanting to hallucinate my supposedly dead handler is totally okay." Clint sighs. "I loved you, y'know. More surprisingly, I trusted you." He laughs. "You were everything I ever hoped for Phil."

"I still could be." Phil offers.

"How? I don't trust you anymore. You lied to me. Not for the good of a mission. Or anything else because you know me. You've bent rules before Phil. Guess I just wasn't worth it this time." Clint sighs. Phil searches for an answer, but Clint is gone before he can find one. He's not sure he could have anyway.

 

That night Phil plays the conversation over and over in his head. _Clint loved him_. Past tense. _Clint trusted him_. Past tense. _He had hoped for someone like Phil_? He was up far later than he should have been, worrying over it.

Clint found flowers on his bow case with a note that said. ' _I'm sorry you wasted money on funeral flowers._ ' He very carefully didn't smile.

Clint didn't avoid Phil, in fact he made it a point to see the man frequently. He didn't, however talk to him. Just kept checking that he was still there, still alive.

Natasha found him huddled on top of the climbing wall, watching Coulson work out.

"You need to forgive him." She scolded as gently as she could.

"I can't. He wasn't there. Loki took everything from me and he could have been there and instead he wasn't." Clint said. She glared at Phil from beside him and the man suddenly looked around seemingly nervous. Clint laughed.

"You're both Дураки." She sighed.

"He's not a fool Natasha. That's why it hurts." Clint whispered rappelling down the wall.

"Дураки." Natasha called after him. She watched Coulson heading for the door and considered trying to get him to talk to Clint.

 

"Clint?" Phil asked hesitant. He knew this was a bad idea cornering the archer where he couldn't run away.

"Coulson." Clint said.

"I've been meaning to talk to you." He explains.

"Had to wait until I jumped off a roof, and got myself stuck in medical to do it?" Clint said, to tired for true anger.

"I didn't want you to run away." Phil said. Clint him off absently. "I just, you said you loved me." Clint's whole body tensed. "What would it take for me to earn that love back."

"Natasha's right. You're a fool." Clint groaned.

"She calls you a fool too." Phil defends, earning only a shrug as a reply.

"Probably right, not the point, you're asking the wrong question Phil." Clint informed.

"I don't understand. Clint, please." Phil said.

"I didn't stop loving you. I don't think I could. I stopped trusting you." Clint said.

"How do I earn it back?" Phil asked.

"I don't know." Clint retorted. "I'm still trying to figure out how you earned it the first time. Usually I'm a better judge of character."

"I'll do anything." Phil offered.

"You can't change the past." Clint said and turned away from Phil.

"Maybe I can try and change the present though." Phil whispered before he left.

 

It started with flowers. On his bow case, in his travel bag, delivered by Natasha. First Lily of the valley, then star of Bethlehem, and ivy. Clint looked it up, they all mean sorry. He was waiting for yellow roses.

 

Phil's hand shook as he knocked on Clint's door yellow rose in hand.

"Phil?" Clint blinked at him pajama pants slung low on his hips. "I just got back from mission. Whas'it?" He watches Clint's eyes drift shut.

"I got you a flower." Phil explains. Inside he's jumping for joy. Clint trusts him enough to let him see this.

"Thanks." Clint turns to put them in a vase with the ivy. Phil follows him inside.

"You kept them?" Phil asks. Clint nods at him sleepily. "Thank you, how's your sleep been?" There are dark circles under Clint's eyes, but he's expecting a lie.

"Shitty. I miss you." Clint whispers. "I miss knowing there's someone who cares. Even if it was never enough."

"I care." Phil said.

"You let me believe you were dead for three months, right after Loki took control of my brain. After I was involved in the attack that killed you." Clint shook.

"I didn't know you'd been recovered. Fury didn't tell me until the day I wound up in your room. I couldn't bring myself to ask." Coulson sighs.

"You idiot!" Clint scowled. "You didn't betray me if you didn't know I was me. Also Nat is going to kill Fury." He gave Phil a once over. "Possibly you too."

"I? What?" Phil asks as Clint whips out his phone.

"Nat." Clint says. "He didn't know. He didn't know I'd been recovered. He didn't know I was being lied to."

"Fury?" She asked.

"Fury." Clint heard the click that meant she hung up. "If he dies its his own fault just saying." Clint informs Phil.

"Wait, so are we okay?" Phil asked.

"Phil, you didn't do anything wrong." Clint tells him.

"So, you trust me again, and you still love me?" Phil questions. Clint nods. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Yes, but no sex I'm exhausted." Clint says and walks into the bedroom Phil trailing behind.

"Okay. Goodnight Clint."

"Mmm"


End file.
